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The Joy of Being Single

January 5, 2012

Most men haven’t learned how to thrive by themselves.  Single men long for a girl to spend their time with and smother with cloying adulation.  Men in relationships prostrate themselves before their girlfriends, lest they be dumped and left without companionship.  Both types of men lack the courage to be alone.  They’re not comfortable being alone and need the crutch of a girlfriend.

If you can’t be happy by yourself, you will never find true happiness with a woman.  If you’re a single man looking for a girlfriend, ask yourself if you’re looking for a girlfriend primarily because you’re not happy alone.  If you’re a man in a relationship, ask yourself if you stay in that relationship primarily because you’re afraid of being alone.

Take a month to travel by yourself, no friends, no girlfriend, not even a pet.  Learn how to make the most of the world with only your mind and body.  Go to a country where you need to learn a new language to get by, where you can’t use others as a crutch.  Learn how to be self-reliant.  Learn to be alone.  Once you realize the strength you have within yourself, your ability for self-improvement, you will realize that most women add no value to your life.  In fact, most women destroy value if you let them into your life.  A minority of women do actually make you better than you would be by yourself.  When you learn how to be alone, you will be able to recognize these women and pick a girlfriend who deserves to be with you.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. January 5, 2012 1:42 am

    Sounds like the “becoming sigma” vision quest.

  2. January 5, 2012 5:32 am

    Very good advice, I think this is something a lot of women should implement in their lives as well.

  3. January 5, 2012 9:03 am

    Wow!Powerful insights Kane.

    I can see how both type of men come off from a point of insecurity:1 not wanting to be alone so he clings on,the other not wanting to be single so he rushes into LTR.

  4. susanawalsh permalink
    January 5, 2012 11:10 am

    Great advice re Inner Game, Kane. I agree with resrieg that in this case, the advice applies to women too.

  5. Anonymousdog permalink
    January 5, 2012 12:19 pm

    I can’t disagree with your post, but I feel it should be pointed out that it’s a lot easier to be happy alone if one has some assurance that it’s not going to be a permanent condition.

    When I was in college, I never worried about having, or not having a girlfriend because I was around single women my own age every day and was continually meeting new ones. It was easy to believe that sooner or later I would meet the ‘right’ girl in the routine course of my life, and I was happy just living my single life.

    When I graduated and went back home to my rural hometown to join the family business, I found that I saw very few single women my age in my daily life, and sometimes it would be months or years between meeting someone new. After a couple of years it dawned on me that the future would likely be more of the same unless I changed things in my life. Should I have just accepted my situation and learned to be happy in it?

    It’s easy to fantasize about being Robinson Crusoe when you know you’re not really stranded on an Island thousands of miles away from civilization.

    K: I don’t believe you’re truly happy alone if you need the hope of finding someone to keep you happy.

    • AnonymousDog permalink
      January 5, 2012 7:17 pm


      I think you are taking a rather fatalistic ‘kismet’ position: “Quit wanting it and you will get it”
      No doubt any human condition can be sold as tolerable that way.

      K: No, I’m not. In simple terms, I think you should learn how to be happy without it. Also, I believe it doesn’t really make you happy unless you’re already happy without it. If you learn how to be happy without it, you will realize that the probability of finding an it that actually increases your happiness is so low, that you will probably do without it for the rest of your life.

  6. January 17, 2012 7:38 am

    “If you can’t be happy by yourself, you will never find true happiness with a woman.”

    That’s complete bull. If you want the life of two detached individuals who cannot depend on each other because they’re too busy thinking of themselves then you go right a head and keep thinking that above cripe.

    K: Did you notice all the assumptions you made in your comment? I did and I am certain that you lack the reasoning abilities to provide any value to readers of this blog.


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