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Cost Per Notch Redux

December 21, 2011

Another post from Fritz.

I have been seeing posts on this less frequently lately, but there is still a big trend in the pickup community of focusing on the cost of sex. Everyone wants to know how much their notches cost them. Everyone talks about keeping your cost per notch low. I personally think guys get too far into this.  Roosh even introduced his “true cost per notch” ( http://www.rooshv.com/true-cost-per-notch ) idea where the cost per notch is simply your annual income divided by the number of women you banged that year. I have a really big issue with this concept.

Here are my reasons against this concept:

1)   You are punished for having ambition and hobbies. For example: Hot Carl recently switched careers and is now being paid four times as much as he was before. But will his number of notches go up four times this year as well? Not even close. So according to the “true cost” metric, he is failing. Except, he made this career choice because he wanted the lifestyle that came with it, not so he could get more chicks. I am another example. I don’t care as much about my salary, but I love what I do and purposely take on projects that are tough and that interest me. As a result, I am switching employers and getting promoted. My salary will double, but I won’t sleep with twice as many women suddenly. Yet, I want that promotion because I will get to pick better projects, and will get to lead people in doing the projects I want to be done. This ambition of mine has nothing to do with getting in bed with more and more women.  I also have a crippling addiction to working and flying planes. I waste a ton of money on this hobby. But I don’t do it for the women, I could care less what they think about my hobby. All this money I am spending on my hobby could be spent on getting my freak on. Therefore by the “true cost” metric, I fail.  Roosh, himself is guilty of this. I don’t know of all the man’s ambitions and hobbies, but it is clear that one of the things he is a fan of is reading. Roosh reads a ton more books than your average man. If you look at his book reviews, not all those books will help him get laid. And those are just the books he posts about. All that money he spends could be used to bang some random foreign chick.

2)   If you look at the “true cost” metric, prostitution becomes extremely cheap.  Let’s say you earn $25000 per year. (That is not a very big amount.) If you sleep with 10 different women in a year, your “true cost” per notch is $2500. You can hire a hot prostitute for $250! This means that you would have to sleep with 100 women per year to make picking up cheaper. What if you earn $75000 per year?  (Roosh himself quoted his cost to be $1400) I know some of that money needs to be spent to keep you alive, but you get my point.

3)   The “true cost” metric does not reward cheap dates. It simply rewards numbers. That means that if looking like you are rich is getting you that gold-digger poon, then you have a winning strategy. It does not matter that you only eat expired top ramen during the week, and have not seen a doctor in years. If you strap on the Folex watch, a fitted suit and expensive shoes, go to the club on Saturday and blow all your savings; as long as you get laid, your strategy is good.  Basically any money spent on getting some, is money well spent.

The “true cost” metric works for Roosh because he earns money by sleeping with women, and his main hobby is sleeping with women. But not everyone can be a traveling writer/lover. (Even if everyone had the skill to do so, the market would get quickly saturated.) And most men I know have hobbies that go beyond sex.

But for me all the other PUA talks about the cost per notch never really clicked. I mean I could never quantify the value I would get by simply looking if I scored or not. A while ago, I realized that I enjoy first dates. Once I graduated past the fear of performing well on a date, I really found pleasure in going out and meeting a new woman, getting to know her a bit. Add to it the thrill of escalation and sexual tension. And what if I did not get to the first date? Talking, approaching, teasing, telling stories, calling people out on their BS all those things teach me valuable skills that go way beyond dating.  So how can I put a value on the money I spend by just looking at sex?

There was only one blogger who’s discussion on cost of sex clicked with me. This was the now deleted “The Better Beta” blog. (The blog was good, but it died because in the end he was just a better beta, not an alpha.) His point was basically this: If a guy buys a used sports car for 10 grand and then drives the shit out of it for a year, would you then buy it from him for $15000? Of course not. Then why would you spend hundreds of dollars worth of time, food and gifts to sleep with a woman who previously had sex with a guy after a few hours of conversation, a cab ride to his place, and a few drinks from his liquor cabinet?  His only point was that it does not matter how much you spent, what matters is if it was a good deal or not and if it was worth it.

Back to the strategy of paying for it.  If you are dating a ton of different women and it’s cutting into your living expenses, you should probably worry about keeping the costs of your dates low. But otherwise it’s more than just cutting costs. There are stupid ways of spending your money: buying her a drink as an opener, showing up with a diamond necklace on a first date, hiring a hot PUA to impersonate you get her in bed turn out the lights only to have you jump out of the closet at switch places with him. Once you avoid the stupid expenses, the rest is about common sense and your comfort. Do you really want to go for a full 4 course meal at a place with a dress code? (Sometimes I do.) If you want it and can afford it, then go for it. But if you don’t believe in gourmet food and hate wearing a suit, why are you going to that place? If you feel like getting a steak, go get a steak. If instead you want to try that new artisan panini place downtown, go for that.  If you insist on having a good beer, go to a brew-pub or a place specializing in beer, but don’t go to a fancy martini place just to impress her when you gin makes you puke.

The point is, even though you might be paying for the date, you are really paying for yourself eating food doing things that you enjoy at a venue you are comfortable with. Spend money because you want to spend money on that thing, not because you want to impress her. Even if the amount you spent is the same, spending it on your comfort is better than spending it to make yourself look good because in the first case the mentality is alpha (you do what you want), in the other the mentality is beta (you do things to make you look better). In one case, she is part of your entertainment for the night; in the other case you are dancing for her amusement.

Also, remember, a well executed, adventurous date is better than simply an expensive one. And a dinner date at an expensive restaurant is worse than meeting up at a coffee place, going to grab ethnic food at a cheap but interesting restaurant, then going for dessert at a local café, followed by drinks at an interesting bar. The money spent may be the same (or a lot of times even less), but you just executed four venue changes, demonstrated your knowledge of the town, showed your adventurous nature, and your date lasted the whole evening and most of the night (with the added bonus of the perceived time distortion).

Finally, Kane always asks me to write ideas for girls as well as guys, so I will give you my thoughts on that as well. If you are in it for the free dinner (and some girls are), do whatever works. Dating beta guys and white knights is probably a good idea.  If you actually like the guy then make a gesture of intent to pay, but do not argue further than that, and don’t give him your elaborate explanation on your theory of paying for dates.  If he takes you to a really expensive place that is too much for you, mention that you can’t afford it. After dinner, at least pretend to reach for your purse. If he makes it clear he’s picking up the bill, don’t argue let him do it. Even though a lot of guys like to pay for dates (For example: I do. It is a matter of pride for me.), every guy will appreciate your gesture. It makes your reason for going out with him more genuine. And what if he asks you to split the bill? Well you were not going out just for a free meal, so what is the big deal? Giving him a long speech on how your philosophy does not match his when it comes to money and dates is not productive. Instead, enjoy the date and make a judgment afterwards when time comes to decide on whether or not to go out with him again.

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 23, 2011 6:41 pm

    i had a friend back in new orleans (when i was living there) who i introduced to a few strippers i knew. he ended up paying one $300 for a bang. he’d go back every 2-3 months. i asked him why he didn’t just get a gf….said he didn’t want one. then said. how much do you spend a month with B***** staying at your place>? i figured with increased water, electric, and food costs…..DAMN. kid was right. i was dropping a grip. “i don’t need a woman around all the time. when i feel like getting my dick sucked, i go to your friends club. hell, the all know now, if i’m there i’m looking to take someone home.” $300, 3 times a year.
    versus my GF having ass.

    can’t argue logic.

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