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The Most Neglected Aspect of Game: Body Language

September 22, 2011

One area of social interaction that is vitally important for success in almost everything that involves face to face interaction, but is often neglected by PUA gurus, is body language.  If you understand body language, then you don’t need to rely on some memorized path to get from the initial approach to sex.  You can just run your game and the girl will signal when she’s ready to move to the next stage.  If you understand body language, you can increase your success dramatically.

Body language is one area where men tend to struggle.  We all have some instincts for body language, but they seem to be much stronger in women on average.  Men do much more of their communication verbally, and the body language they do use is much more obvious.  Women usually can’t be counted on to be forthright with their words, you have to pay attention to their actions, especially their body language.  Women will usually signal when they’re interested in someone, even if they’re not consciously trying to send a signal, it’s instinct.  If you’re a man who can pick up on these signals, then you’re way ahead of the game.  Because men are usually the first ones to speak up, a woman sending a signal is approximately equivalent to a man hitting on a woman.  It’s her making the first move.

How do you learn body language?  There are many sources.  The Definitive Book of Body Language is a good place to start.  A man who wants to get good with women should know everything in that book.  The book is also a great resource for other situations.  I use the things I’ve learned in that book at work too.  After learning what the common body language signals are, you should go out and observe.  Find a busy restaurant or bar where a lot of first dates or pick up attempts happen and observe the interactions.  Eventually, you’ll be able to predict which couples are going to hit it off and which ones are going to fail, without ever hearing a word of conversation.  You’ll be able to pick it up based solely on body language.  You’ll also be able to pick up on all the subtle signals that girls send.  You’ll see the opportunities that other men miss.  If you are a physically attractive* man, you will start to notice many signals.

I feel confident in saying that the number of “I want you to hit on me” signals an attractive man gets in one day is far greater than the number of times an attractive woman is hit on in one day.  This a powerful tool.  The girl is basically telling you that she’s attracted.  If she’s single or of low morals, then the game is yours to lose.  You can start the conversation with almost anything.

*This could mean being well dressed, having a handsome face, a masculine physique, etc.  The set of qualities that make a man physically attractive is more diverse than those that make women physically attractive.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. September 22, 2011 2:02 am

    Wow, that picture is awesome – she looks like she’s ready to drag him into the bathroom.

    I love to watch people without hearing their conversation. It really forces you to focus on the frames and body language.

    You can learn a lot watching TV and films with the sound off, I posted on this:
    http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2011/02/13/beta-guide-observe-from-afar/

    I’ve said before (it will become one of my maxims if I start logging them) that we are a LOT more like less-intelligent mammals, much more slaves to our hindbrains, than any of us want to think.

    One night I said to a woman, “it’s amazing how much you can tell about a couple by just watching them without hearing the words.” I’ve actually worked this into a routine, if you will – we predict other couples’ states and how their date is going. Some girls find it fun.

  2. harry permalink
    September 26, 2011 9:32 am

    I’m handsome, muscular and attractive and I don’t get very many signals at all.

    K: I can think of 3 possibilities.

    1. You are lying about how attractive you are.
    2. You are repulsive in some other way.
    3. You are oblivious to the many signals you do get.

  3. AnonymousDog permalink
    September 27, 2011 12:58 pm

    I dunno. I know just enough people, men and women, whose body language is out of sync with their words and actions. Not saying body language isn’t important in meeting and mating, but I’ve known just enough outliers to be wary of leaning too hard on it.

    I used to work with a woman who could not ask me to initial an invoice or submit an order form without putting her hands on me. She evidently had no concept of personal space, and she was that way with EVERYONE. Most of the women in the shop were convinced she was a lesbian, despite a never ending series of boyfriends, because she couldn’t interact with any of the women without touching them. In talking to her, I found she was lonely and unhappy in her personal life(despite lots of male attention), because, I am convinced, her body language was so out of sync with her actions and words.

    K: What fraction of people are outliers? Outliers by definition are rare. Why would you be wary of applying something that works in 99% of cases when the cost of being wrong in the other 1% is so low?

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