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Women Giving Women Advice

September 1, 2011

The best piece of dating advice you can give a man is “don’t take dating advice from women”.  Well, it may be best piece of dating advice for women as well.  Despite the fact that some female bloggers do have a good understanding of game, the vast majority of women are dating retards.  When I Google “get him to commit” I find a treasure trove of steaming feces in the form of dating advice by women.

Let’s take a look at one pile by Katie Michaels.  She make four recommendations.

Strategically enact a slight but noticeable pull-back
If you haven’t seen or heard a hint of marriage intention from him yet, consider the pull-back.  Just when things are going really well, gently change some of your behavior patterns to indicate you have grown ‘slightly’ less interested.  If you typically initiate IM messages during the day, stop.  Let him IM and be brief explaining you are very busy.  If he normally calls you at night and you normally answer, let it go to voicemail and then call him back 30 minutes later.  If he wants to make plans to go to a concert next week tell him you’re not sure because you might have a girl weekend planned.  The key here is to be very subtle to get him thinking about how he can make the relationship more serious.  If your hints are too severe you will simply anger him or make him panic in which case he could react unpredictably which would not be a good thing.  Subtlety is critical.  

I wonder how many girls tried this and ended up losing their boyfriend because of it.  Women who play hard to get are a turn off.  I know women are attracted by men who are hard to get, but it absolutely does not work the same way for men.  Men are attracted to girls who are hot.  Hot girls are hard to get, but being hard to get does not automatically make you hot.  Being hot does not automatically give you the freedom to be hard to get with a desirable man; he might just go for a different hot girl.  From a man’s perspective, a girl who is pulling back is not that into him.  Why the hell would a man want to marry a woman who isn’t into him?!

Create an event that makes him feel sorry for you
Something happens deep inside of a man when he witnesses a woman he loves in pain or suffering in any way.  A man can feel a deep love for a woman but many men need an additional push to feel it at their deepest core.  Men have a less powerful sense of empathy than women so you have to help it along.  I have spoken with many men about this.  One man told me he felt an incredibly heightened sense of love for his girlfriend when she left the dentist’s office after her wisdom teeth were removed.  As she gently wept in the recovery process, he said he knew at that point he was going t marry her.  Try it!  Warning:  don’t think that creating some crazy emotional conflict with one of your girlfriends will make him feel sorry for you.  That will work against you.  Try something genuine.  If you happen to get an injury, use it to your advantage.  If you need a medical intervention of some sort, use it.

This isn’t as bad as the last piece of advice, but it’s harder to put into action.  A trivial thing like a flat tire won’t make him feel sorry for you, so you need something major.  What sane girl is going to create a major event that makes a man feel sorry for her?  Remember, men have a higher threshold than women do for feeling sorrow.  What the hell is she going to do?  Kill her cat?  If a bad event happens, sure he’ll feel sorry for you and want to take make you feel better, but no sane girl is going to make it happen.

Feed that ego
Men have voraciously hungry egos.  As a general rule you should always be feeding it.  But to get the marital commitment level you need to step up all efforts.  Make a noticeable increase in you admiration for everything about him.  Areas to focus on include his intelligence, morality, career success or potential, work ethic, integrity, athletic ability, social skills, etc.  Let him know you value these things immensely.  Let him hear you telling other girls how smart he is, etc.  You already know how to do this but you need to seriously elevate it.

True in principle, but I wouldn’t recommend it.  If a man figures out you’re not being sincere, he’ll start to doubt everything you say.  Sure, look for opportunities to praise your man for the things he does well, but don’t just compliment him without justification, it’s a turn off.  Just because men aren’t as in tune with social subtleties doesn’t mean we can never figure out when your flattery is pure bull.

Healthy jealousy – the final frontier in relationship building
This is not a recommendation to create situations with other men that make him jealous.  But in a subtle way you should let him know about the situations that already occur.  Normally you keep these situations to yourself out of respect for him but no more.  It is time to open up a small part of your life to help him clearly see you as an object of desire.  When a guy at work asks you to lunch, let him know about it in a humorous way.  When a guy in the mall stares at you for 10 minutes, let him know.  When you get an email from an old boyfriend, let him know.  If he hears these things a couple times a week I guarantee something will stir within him.    

Katie Michaels’ advice has probably led to more girls getting dumped than getting married.  A man will have one of two likely reactions to the jealousy technique.  At best, he will think his girlfriend is trying to instill jealousy in him because she doesn’t know any better.  Minus 10 points.  The man is disappointed and starts evaluating whether or not his girlfriend is good enough for him.  No one likes being emotionally manipulated.  At worst, he thinks his girlfriend could be a cheating whore.  Minus 100 points, do not pass go, do not collect engagement ring, go directly to spinsterville. She definitely shouldn’t be thinking about other men hitting on her, and bringing it up to her boyfriend is an indication that she considered the proposal.

Let’s take another example from Cosmo

Talk Tip 1
Take up extreme sports. Do that, and he may think he’s losing you. The point here isn’t so much that you risk your life but that you actually create more of a life outside his orbit. Canceling a date because you want to make him jealous is lame, but canceling a date because, hey, you’ve got your karate classes tonight and your flying lessons tomorrow, is sort of cool. Once there’s something competing for your attention, he begins to wonder how much he really matters in your life scheme. All you’re doing is filling up your time with cool stuff he might like to do, but you’re not including him. He’s got to wonder if you’re drifting away, and in order to lay claim reasonably to more of your time, he’ll have to be explicit about how much time he wants. In other words, he’ll have to bring up The Talk.

Risk factor: Low, with regard to losing him; high, when it comes to your own personal safety, especially if you choose a hobby known for producing fatalities. (Hint: No guy — no matter how great — is worth scaling Everest for.)

Canceling a date for any reason that isn’t important is a turn off.  Assuming you made the date first, then you’re telling the man that something better came up and you’d rather spend time rock climbing than going out with him.  Why would a man want to commit to a girl who is losing interest in him?  He wouldn’t.

Talk Tip 2
Take a vacation. Jetting off with nothing but a bikini and the promise of a postcard gives him a small taste of life minus you. Plus, the freedom to flirt when you’re ostensibly single cuts both ways, and if he’s into you, that’ll stick in his craw. “When my girlfriend told me she was going on a cruise with three of her friends, I figured, cool — three weeks of bachelor days ahead,” says Todd James* (names have been changed), a 29-year-old New York City public-relations executive. But then he saw how excited she was about the trip. “She kept talking about how they were going to get crazy — and two of her friends didn’t have boyfriends. I doubted Amy was going to sit on the boat drinking pina coladas alone while they hit the town.” Long story short: The night before she left, he initiated The Talk. “It was sort of a preemptive strike. I didn’t want her to cheat on me,” he said. “But it also made me think about losing her, and how I knew those three weeks would be pretty lonely. I did enough running around in college.”

Risk factor: Medium to high. If he’s a jerk, he may look at this as an opportunity for some bed-hopping, single-guy abandon. He may find he likes it better when you’re not around and move to make it a permanent condition. If that happens, he’s not worth the price of your return ticket. Besides, if you haven’t had The Talk, no one’s stopping you from staying on an extra week and having that little vacation fling with a lusty young cabana boy. If that’s what you want, go for it.

So you don’t want him to trust you?  If he thinks your friends are sluts, his trust in you will drop if you try to pull something like this.  If it drops low enough, he will dump you.  Taking a vacation without him sends a strong signal that he’s not a priority in you life.  So tell me again why he would want to commit to you.

Talk Tip 3
Act as if you’ve already had The Talk. In other words, take liberties. Adopt the role of the one and only girlfriend, fiancee, or whatever relationship status you aspire to. With our notorious lack of short-term memory, your guy may assume you two have already had The Talk, but he may not remember exactly when.
So, pick up groceries for him; ask him to do the same. Call him at work and say, “Sorry to bother you, but on the way home, could you buy some cream cheese, light bulbs, and some of those panty liners with wings?” You accomplish two things swiftly: Even if you live in two separate apartments, you’ve established that there is a “home” to go to (if he doesn’t balk at your plea, consider that acceptance), and you’ve gotten him to share the shopping. Not too shabby.

Risk factor: High. If you’re lucky, he might settle into his new cozy life without even noticing it. Or he might feel things are going too fast and say to you, “Jeez, I feel whipped,” which is at least the start of something resembling The Talk, right? You can take it from there.

Finally, the first bit of advice that isn’t complete garbage.  This is a good technique to figure out how committed he feels to you.  When you make the request, he’ll have to consciously consider how he feels about you, and if the evaluation is good, he will comply.  By forcing him to think about this, he will decide whether to move further towards committing or to pull away from you.  It won’t be the deciding factor in whether he commits to you or not, but it will nudge him in the direction he’d go towards anyway.

Talk Tip 4
Go out with your pal “Rocco.” Men have a problem with so-called guy friends, men with whom women claim to have platonic relationships. In fact, I use the term so-called because guys don’t believe there is such a thing as a guy friend, especially when it comes to a girlfriend they care about. That’s because they know how they themselves think. They know straight men pony up to women to get laid, not to talk about feelings. Trust me, if your guy isn’t a complete idiot, he will definitely feel threatened by your buddy Rocco.
Immediately, Rocco will be the most interesting individual on the planet. Your man will want to know why he’s hanging around you. He’ll want to know why you’re hanging around him. He’ll get jealous — we’re all good at that — and soon, he’ll demand to meet him. All the while, you should act surprised by your guy’s uncharacteristically possessive behavior and, if you like, even a little indignant. But if he feels threatened by another bear in his lair, then he’s already aware he has a lot to lose. You’re halfway there, and this little trick might get him to defend his turf.
Risk factor: High if Rocco doesn’t exist. Wouldn’t it be humiliating if your man decided to confront your imaginary friend? And if he does exist and your guy doesn’t care, well, you’ve got to move on to a better strategy. Like, say, dumping him and dating Rocco.

Another suggestion to make your man jealous.  Sigh.  Unless your boyfriend knows and trusts Rocco, then you’re just pushing him away by playing these jealousy games.  You don’t want your man to doubt your fidelity.  If you suddenly have some new male friend in your life who you can’t stop talking about, any smart man will dump you.  Any normal man will start to suspect you’re a cheating whore.  Girls who shop around while they’re already dating another guy are not worthy of commitment.

Talk Tip 5
Make a major independent financial decision. Talk about buying a car, a plot of land, a house, or maybe a Cessna. The reason: You’re making him aware that you don’t need him to move your life forward. And if he asks you why you didn’t consult him first about the decision, jokingly say, “It’s not like we’re married!” He’ll have to respond with a request for clarification of exactly what he is to you, if he’s going to have any say in your financial matters. That sounds like the start of The Talk.
If you don’t have a bundle of green, just fake it. That’s what glossy brochures for fancy summer homes and luxury automobiles are for. Simply leave them out on the coffee table (strewn over the remote) to let him know you’re making big decisions he isn’t privy to. Cool.
Risk factor: Low. The brochures won’t scare him off, they will only make him feel a little left out. That’s good.

Men like to feel needed, especially by their girlfriends.  Telling him you don’t need him will just make him think about finding a girl who does.  You do not want your boyfriend to feel left out of major decisions in your life.  Marriage is a team, but a woman who leaves her boyfriend out of major decisions is demonstrating that she is not a team player.

Talk Tip 6
Ask him if he’s ever been to Guam. Or New Mexico. Or Phoenix. “I hear they have giant lizards there,” you might say, toying with your pasta. “I’d like to live where there are giant lizards.” By contemplating a big move — to another city, country, or hell, another apartment (and out of your shared bedroom) — you show him you’re antsy with the current setup. “We were talking about my job, and I told him I wasn’t seeing a future here. He suggested sending resumes around town,” says Jenna McCoy, 28, an accountant for a Philadelphia law firm. “He didn’t get the hint. So I told him I needed to make a larger change, like maybe to another city, because I was stagnating. The first thing out of his mouth was ‘Is it me?'”
“Maybe,” you can reply. “I’m not sure.” The point is to get him to argue about why it would be foolish for you to bail, or at least right now. This is, of course, when he must talk The Talk. If he doesn’t, then you’ve got your answer.
Risk factor: High. He may call your bluff and say, “See, ya!” Then you will have to move on. No, not to Guam. Just out of his life. Or he may call your bluff and want to join you. The upside: You’ll have to have The Talk before you move together to the land of lizards. The downside: You’ll have to move to the land of lizards.

If a girl tells me she wants to move to another city for X, Y or Z, then that just means that the reason is a higher priority to her than I am.  Unless that reason is taking care of her dying mother, then she gets downgraded.

Talk Tip 7
Lastly, buy him a compass. Literally pick up a compass at a camping store, and attach a note that reads, “When you figure out where you’re going, let me know. I may be here, but I may not. Love, (insert your name here).”
Risk factor: Sky high, but last resorts work because by the time you use them, you’ve had enough of the clueless bastard. If he walks, he walks, and then you’re free to find someone who can talk The Talk.

Being passive agressive is a turn off.  Giving an ultimatum is a turn off.  If he’s feeling generous, he’ll buy you a map before he dumps you.

What should you do?  Bring up the talk yourself!  If a man hasn’t considered marriage by the one year mark, move on.  If he hasn’t given it very serious thought by the second year and decided he probably wants it, move on.  DO NOT listen to the advice that 90% of women will give you.  I swear, sometimes I think women give each other such bad advice because they all secretly hate each other.

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. September 1, 2011 12:37 am

    Women who get men and themselves can give good advice. But I agree with you here; good stuff.

    K: Women who can get good men, can give good advice to women. Even those women usually don’t give good advice to men. Their advice is usually a wash for men.

    “No one likes being emotionally manipulated”

    THANK you. This is why I hate some advice given to men about women, telling them to drive women crazy by playing head games. Some women will pick up on cheap tactics and be turned off; either way, it’s not a good thing to do.

    K: Maybe I have to think about this more. When I advise a girl to be more feminine, she is essentially being manipulative to get commitment, but she just happens to be doing what men are attracted to.

  2. September 1, 2011 1:38 am

    Oh my God. It’s amazing, there is so much dating advice out there aimed at women, and 99% of it is pure unadulterated bullshit. This shit is so goddamn stupid. It’s transparent projection – men don’t get commitment boners from preselection and independence, that’s what women are attracted to in men.

    K: Agreed. Women don’t understand the male mind, so they just assume men are attracted to the same things women are. If that were true, you’d have most men playing prison with each other.

    Another problem is that the men in these examples appear to be confirmed beta males. This is how they “cook the books” to make the tips sound credible. Responding to your girl threatening to leave town by asking if you’re the problem? Major low-status play.

    I sort of concurred with this:

    “Make a major independent financial decision. Talk about buying a car, a plot of land, a house, or maybe a Cessna. The reason: You’re making him aware that you don’t need him to move your life forward.”

    Not in the sense that a woman should do this to bait a man, but because if she wants to make a big life decision and we’re not yet engaged, she should do that. It would be a good sign that she has her own life goals and is not codependent and helpless, and because the alternative is that she puts her life goals on hold waiting for me to “commit” and then passive aggressively blames me for holding her back while I make up my mind.

    …but I strongly disagree with this:

    “If you don’t have a bundle of green, just fake it. That’s what glossy brochures for fancy summer homes and luxury automobiles are for. Simply leave them out on the coffee table (strewn over the remote) to let him know you’re making big decisions he isn’t privy to. Cool.”

    GMAFB. A guy who’s paying attention knows what you can afford. If you’re fantasizing about big-ticket items, I see you fantasizing about marrying me for material comforts. (In fact this happened with my last girlfriend, her desire for a lifestyle I didn’t want that would be leveraged by me was a big factor in our not working out.)

    K: Women are the more materialistic sex. A significant chunk of women should be disqualified from LTRs because they’re too materialistic.

  3. September 4, 2011 6:58 pm

    Good post. I like the solid analysis.

    PG

  4. September 8, 2011 2:10 pm

    On the other hand, some of these are excellent tips for men to use on women because they work.

  5. September 9, 2011 12:59 am

    Yes, SOME of it.

  6. September 9, 2011 1:02 am

    “When I advise a girl to be more feminine, she is essentially being manipulative to get commitment, but she just happens to be doing what men are attracted to”

    While there’s a lot of gaming advice that can be manipulative, I don’t think you need to worry about simply telling women to be feminine and men to be masculine; all they’re really doing is what they were made to do, tapping into their own innate natures instead of denying what they are like society often tells them to.

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