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The Importance of Chastity

August 11, 2011

In my post about how to get men to commit, I listed chastity as one of the elements of femininity.  Let’s dig deeper into this.

A marriage* minded man wants his ideal wife to have zero sexual partners before him.  If you’re a female virgin, try to keep it that way, but this post isn’t really aimed at you.  This post is for girls who aren’t virgins.  Don’t let the first sentence scare you, you don’t have to be ideal.  Considering that men are programmed to seek variety, the ideal woman probably doesn’t exist for any man, so let’s get that off the table right now.  It’s ok if you’re not a virgin.  A man wants a woman who is relatively chaste, especially if she’s older than about 20.  A 25 year-old female virgin living in a Western city probably has some serious issues, is horribly ugly, or has an extremely low libido.  So if you’re in this age group, you don’t have to worry about some angelic virgin coming to steal your man.  That doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a slut.


Men have good reason to avoid promiscuous women.  Reasons so good that evolution has selected for men who feel an instinctual repulsion to committing to a promiscuous women.  Women have a hard time understanding this because the female brain just doesn’t work that way.  A man can be strongly physically attracted to a woman, but feel disgust at the thought of marrying her, even if she is otherwise feminine and has a good personality.  Remember, it was only during the last century that paternity testing became available, for millenia before then, a man had a very strong incentive to pick a mate who would be faithful.  Even today, men who are victims of paternity fraud may be forced to continue supporting children who are not theirs.  Consider an attractive, sweet, feminine girl, and most guys will put her in the potential girlfriend bucket.  Now tell those guys that this same girl has had sex with 20 men, and most of the men will completely rule her out as a girlfriend candidate.


20 isn’t some magic number.  In fact, for me, it’s much more than I would accept in a girlfriend.  For some men, it won’t be a problem.  Every man is going to be different, but if I were a betting man, I’d bet the majority of men would feel uncomfortable with a number this great.  So what’s the solution?  Easy.  Keep your legs closed.  Have some self-control.  Realize that men are willing to have sex with a relatively large fraction of women compared to the fraction they’re willing to commit to.  If you were chosen randomly from the pool of women a man is willing to bang, you would most likely be in the group of women he would never think of marrying.  Resist the temptation to think of yourself as a special little snowflake who is “better than all those other girls”.  Wait for him to prove to you that he’s willing to consider you for more than sex.  This will help minimize pump and dumps.


So what do you do if you’ve already been around the block a few times?  Lower your standards for the type of man you’re trying to get commitment from.  The other option is to lie about your sexual experiences.  I don’t recommend this.  It’s certainly possible you could get away with it, but then you’d have a relationship based on a lie, and a man who doesn’t think you, the real promiscuous you, are good enough for him.  If he does find out relatively early on in the relationship, any man with self-respect will dump you on the spot.  If the relationship is already established, perhaps with kids involved, the man may stay but he will lose trust and respect.  Affairs may soon follow.

*A man just looking for sex doesn’t want a virgin.  In fact, a man looking for a one night stand or booty call wants to optimize two things, the hotness of the girl and her promiscuity.  That’s right, he is looking for a very experienced girl.  He wants the filthy whore.  If you just want sex and don’t desire commitment in the future, go for it.

This post on HUS may also be of interest

4 Comments leave one →
  1. August 11, 2011 12:33 am

    I like this, thanks for the link. Your advice is good; I generally see assortive mating wrt sexual experience – churchian virgins, frat guys marrying sorority girls, etc. We hear a lot of beta anxiety about dating slutty women, but a lot of that is selection bias because the Manosphere has a lot of betas coming in trying to improve their lives.

    Women wring their hands about “a player who wants a virgin bride,” but that’s just a canard. Almost no man for whom sex is important to his life is going to hitch himself for life to a woman who’s never had sex before.

  2. stillcode permalink
    August 14, 2011 8:38 am

    Not only does marrying a promiscuous woman increase your chances of being cuckolded, it increases your chances of having a divorce. With divorce laws as anti-male as they are, I would recommend being extremely careful of who a man chooses to marry.

    If you haven’t already, please see the article here written by the Social Pathologist.
    http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/08/defining-slut.html

  3. Austin permalink
    September 29, 2011 10:31 pm

    My old college roommate married the perfect woman: gorgeous bisexual virgin who had been with several girls but had never even touched a man before him. She’s a SAHM now — they’ve been happily married for 8 years.

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