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Get Him To Commit

August 4, 2011

How does a girl win commitment from a man?

Even in the emotionally charged area of marriage and relationships, most men have a very logical approach to choosing a mate.  Each man has a minimum attractiveness threshold, below which he would be ashamed to be seen with a girl, but may still consider her for a one night stand.  All girls above this threshold are in competition to be considered girlfriend material.  Of course, looks are still important above this threshold, but they take a back seat to personality and femininty.

Not my future wife

Why am I telling you that looks are relatively unimportant? You’ve probably heard that looks are the most important thing?  Looks are the most important thing, as far as physical attraction is concerned.  If all he’s after is sex, a man is going to take home the hottest girl he can get.  In long-term relationships, looks aren’t nearly as important because they have a shorter lifetime than femininity and personality.  Take two girls, both age 20.  One is hot but has an abrasive personality, the other is cute and has a great personality.  At age 40, both girls will be nothing special to look at, but the second girl will still have a good personality, while the formerly hot girl now has nothing to make up for her repulsive personality. Personality and femininity don’t decay with age, and they often improve, while looks decay quite rapidly in women compared to men.  A hot bitch at 20, is just going to be a bitch at 40.

What qualities are associated with femininity?  Empathy, nurturing, agreeable, sensitive, caring, chastity, etc.  Ask yourself what qualities the ideal mother possesses, and you’ll have a list of feminine attritbutes.  Why is femininity so important?  A man choosing a girlfriend is thinking ahead to the future.  He’s picking someone who could potentially become his wife.  The primary purpose of marriage is to make a family, so a man is choosing a wife who he would want raising his children.  Seeing that a girl is good with children is a huge green flag for a man.

What about the other aspects of personality?  These are basically the types of qualities that a man would look for in a friend.  He wants someone who is responsible, reliable, friendly, interesting, etc.  The aforementioned criteria are important to almost all men, but of the three basic critera, looks, femininity and personality, personality is the one where men vary the most.  Some men want to pair off with an artsy girl, some prefer simple girls, or girls who are into outdoor activities.  These are the types of things that make personalities click.  Of course, sometimes opposites attract.  It’s hard to predict what types of personalities will pair up.

Looks, personality and femininity are almost universal criteria among men.  Men also care about intelligence, but beyond a relatively low threshold it’s almost irrelevant to most men.  Some men take factors like race and religion into account, but men in general don’t care as much about those qualities as women do.

If you’re a woman on the market, make sure you do everything you can to improve these three qualities.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. johnnymilfquest permalink
    August 4, 2011 9:29 am

    I think that for women who want commitment, she needs to choose a man who is:

    1. very attracted to her.
    2. very interested in having a relationship with her.
    3. very easy to get along with.
    4. makes her tingle.

    Women tend to select men based on number four and ignore the first three completely.

  2. sadbuttrue permalink
    August 4, 2011 8:34 pm

    But what if you are a good girl and all the guys who want to date you are the guys who banged sluts and now want to have kids?

    K: Then you are a fictional person and don’t really exist. The majority of men have not led promiscuous lives. Those men want to settle down and have kids at greater rates than players do. You just have to be willing to look for them. Players make the majority of approaches, but they are in the minority of men who are attracted to you.

    I think we girls ignore it, but it does bother me knowing full well that in his 20s the guy I’m with was a man whore.

    K: If it bothers you too much, then don’t date him.

    For me, deep down inside, a little part of me never actually truly cares about him.

    K: You have other issues that you should perhaps see a therapist about.

    That’s why I reserve “True Love” for people who marry their first loves.

    K: Fair enough.

  3. alcestiseshtemoa permalink
    August 5, 2011 9:16 pm

    Important factors in a future husband:

    1 – Religion (same religion as myself which is Christian and is also devout and orthodox)
    2 – Race (same nationality as my father or mother)
    3 – Age (cannot be younger than me but can only be 5 years older than me maximum)
    4 – Character (responsible, nice, kind of nerdy)

    That about sums up my list. When it comes to looks I’ll settle down for an average clean cut looking man. I consider myself average looking in looks so I will never get a very good-looking man (not to mention darker skinned women like me don’t attract a lot of men from various races) and I’ve realized and accepted that. As long as he’s healthy, not anorexic and not obese I’m alright.

  4. alcestiseshtemoa permalink
    August 5, 2011 9:19 pm

    Sir Kane don’t forget to drop by at this blog ->

  5. detinennui32 permalink
    August 7, 2011 6:27 am

    Right on, Kane.

  6. August 21, 2011 3:16 am

    Kane, this is GOLD. Thank you!

  7. August 21, 2011 1:03 pm

    I’d rate this as one of the best gaming sites thus far, along with Susan Walsh’s and Badger’s.


  1. The Importance of Chastity « Kane

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